"(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et beer?"
"24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case: coincidence?"
"A clean limerick is a contradiction in terms."
"A closed mouth gathers no foot."
"A company is known by the people that it keeps."
"A committee is the only life form with 12 stomachs and no brain."
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on"
"A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a tom of explanation."
"A man's best friend is his dogma."
"A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep."
"Advertising is legalized lying. (H. G. Wells)."
"Always draw your curves, then plot the readings."
"An exception granted becomes a right expected."
"An object will fall so as to do the most damage possible."
"Backup not found: (a)bort (r)etry (p)anic..."
"Be alert. The world needs more lerts."
"Black holes are where the Universe divided by zero."
"Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen."
"Computer: a device designed to speed and automate errors."
"Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career."
"Criticism welcome: write yours here |__|."
"DEL *.* | Are you sure Y/N ? | Yes | Oh Sh.............!"
"Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage."
"Dignity is one thing that cannot be preserved in alcohol."
"Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art."
"Does fuzzy logic tickle?"
"Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past."
"Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance."
"Enter any 11-gigit prime number to continue ...."
"Few things are harder to put up with than a good example."
"Friends may come and go but enemies accumulate."
"Give me chastity and continence, but not yet"
"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever"
"Gravity doesn`t exist: the earth sucks."
"He who laughs last didn't get the joke."
"He who laughs last is probably your boss."
"He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke."
"Heisenberg may have slept here."
"Humanity has become the tool of its tools."
"I finally got my act together and discovered I had a crummy act."
"I have an existential map: it has 'you are here' written all over it."
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
"I haven't lost my mind it's backed up on tape somewhere!"
"I started out with nothing and I still have most of it."
"I wish I were what I was when I wished I were what I am."
"If at first you don't succeed, redefine success."
"If at first you don't succeed, try something else."
"If you can't make it good, make it big."
"If you want to make an apple pie  from scratch you must first create a universe."
"I'm immortal - so far."
"I'm in favour of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools: let's start with blogs."
"I'm pink therefore I'm spam."
"Imitation is the sincerest form of television."
"In case of doubt, make it sound convincing."
"Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children."
"It has becomes appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity."
"It's not hard to meet expenses they're everywhere."
"I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it."
"Just because you can doesn't mean you should."
"Knowledge speaks but wisdom listens."
"Let him who is stoned cast the first sin."
"Never let the facts get in the way of a carefully thought out bad decision."
"Never try to outstubborn a cat."
"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."
"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be."
"Nothing is impossible until it is sent to a committee."
"Nothing is so smiple that it can't get screwed up."
"Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature."
"Old musicians never die, they just decompose."
"Only two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former"
"People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid"
"Press any key to continue or any other key to quit"
"Press SPACEBAR once to quit, twice to save changes."
"Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth."
"Reality is for people who can't face science fiction."
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a persistent one."
"Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis."
"Teamwork is vital. It gives you someone to blame."
"The grocery bag that breaks has the eggs in it."
"The chief cause of problems is solutions."
"There is nothing so small it can't be blown out of proportion."
"This tagline is umop apisdn"
"Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do."
"To err is human, to forgive is against company policy."
"Ultimate office automation: networked coffee."
"Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted!"
"Victory goes to the player who makes the second last mistake"
"We live in a society exquisitely dependent upon science and technology in which hardly anyone knows anything about science and technology."
"Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed."
"Winning isn't everything, but losing sucks."
"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
"You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish."
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his plane."
"If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong."
"We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public."
"War does not determine who is right -- only who is left."
"I  asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."
"Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit - Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad."
"Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then tell you why it isn't."
"To steal idea from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research."
"A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station."
"How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?"
"I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks."
"Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says In an emergency, notify:  I put  A DOCTOR."
"I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you."
"Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?"
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
"I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure."
"I always take life with a grain of salt plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila."
"You're never too old to learn something stupid."
"To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target."
"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be."
"A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it."